


Last Name

by Starryskyondragonsback



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Cassie's mind gets away from her, Cassiopeia and Castor Ryder, Custom Female Ryder | Sara, F/M, On Hiatus, Ryder Twins - Freeform, Song fic, Will eventually return, also a custom twin, if i know what a song fic is, marriage fic no one has asked for, the morning after
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-10
Updated: 2017-05-27
Packaged: 2018-10-30 04:49:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10869447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starryskyondragonsback/pseuds/Starryskyondragonsback
Summary: Cassie Ryder wakes up the morning she's leaving for Andromeda in a bed that isn't hers and with a ring on her finger.Worst. Luck. Ever.Seriously.





	1. The Best Part of Waking Up

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by this song:  
> https://youtu.be/f27zNlmRMWU
> 
> But in a good way. Sort of. (I heard this described as the Vegas song once while I was living there and I've never heard a more accurate description).
> 
> Anyway, I don't own the song, the game, the characters, etc. That's Carrie and Bioware.
> 
> And all errors are completely mine. This is unedited other than minor cleanups here and there.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Cassie wakes up and immediately regrets decisions.

Never again. Never again would she go out and drink like that. Never ever ever. Cotton mouth notwithstanding, she felt absolutely miserable. Cassie opened an eye cautiously and immediately squeezed it shut. Just that slight movement set off the pulsing at the front of her skull.

Dimly, her mind began running through the biological reasons for why she felt like death. It didn't make her feel any better, but…

Every part of her body came to a standstill, mind stuttering to a halt when she heard a definitely masculine sigh beside her and what could only be described as snuggling down into the sheets. She braced herself for the nausea that was sure to come, turned her head (now aware of the super comfy pillow beneath her head) toward the sound, and opened her eye again to see her almost definitely naked bed partner. She shut her eye again, feeling her pulse accelerate in the throbbing in her head.

What had she done.

What.

No.

Memories from the night before flooded in, and her body, as pained and miserable as it was feeling right now, began to tingle with awareness and now she recognized an ache, a good ache, a _really_ good ache, between her thighs. Joy of joys and she wasn't sure if she meant that sarcastically or not.

Cassie held back a groan, not wanting to wake him up even though her body had decided it was up for another round of frankly glorious sex that she was now starting to remember. She'd just wanted to go out, celebrate her last night in the Milky Way, flirt with strangers, maybe drink too much. Okay, she'd definitely been intending to drink too much.

She had not been intending for a one night stand though if she had to stop and think about it, that was in total Cassiopeia Ryder style. Nothing happened the way she expected her life to go. She could blame it on the fact that her parents were geniuses and definitely not normal and their not normal infected all aspects of her life even though that was all she wanted. Castor would blame it on the fact that she had rotten luck but considering her twin brother was also making his way to Andromeda with the rest of their remaining family (family that only consisted of them and their dad but she wasn't in the mood to split hairs), he clearly shared in her rotten luck.

And now here she was in bed with someone that she was never going to see again after sex she wasn't looking for and that almost made her reconsider the move out of the Milky Way. Almost. Rotten luck indeed. Her brother would be proud.

A faint hum from her wrist had her opening her eyes to slits to look at her omni tool. What she saw had her eyes shooting open, adrenaline shoving aside any feeling of queasiness or pain. "Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit," she hissed, barely audible, still not wanting to wake...whoever he was. "I'm gonna be late."

She sat up, engaging her biotics a little to help what the adrenaline wasn't touching, and carefully pulled the sheet away from her body. Cassie glanced every once in a while over at the man whose bed she was in, but he continued to sleep, still swollen lips parted.

While shoving her left foot into her boot, she had the sudden impulse to kiss him awake, let him know she was leaving. She shook her head, irritated and amused by her response to the man.

That was when she saw it. Every muscle in her body froze and she had to consciously restart her breathing. A thin band of some sort of metal sat on the ring finger of her left hand. Her head whipped around to stare at her bedfellow and the bed shook with the movement. He shifted in his sleep, licking his lips, and she got the distinct impression that he was starting to wake up. Also, his movements exposed a mark in the dark skin at the base of his throat, one she distinctly remembered giving him with lips and teeth. She blinked, fascinated by the sight of it for a second before she remembered that _she had married the man and she had no idea who he was and her dad was going to kill her and she was married and he was never going to see her again and this was quite possibly one of the worst things that had ever happened to her and she was married and what was her last name supposed to be now and he was beautiful and she was leaving and they were married_ and breathe, Cassie.

She had gotten married to a man that she did not know. And it was in true Cassiopeia Ryder style to not remember getting married but to remember the amazing sex with the man who was apparently her husband. Husband. She was married. What the hell?

Great. Okay. She could deal with this. She shoved her right foot into her boot and didn't bother with the laces. She could do them in the shuttle. She was married to someone that wouldn't be alive when she woke up. Great, that was a super depressing thought. Not that it mattered to her in the long scheme of things and really, the whole mess would probably affect his life more than hers.

She stood, thanking whatever lucky stars she had left that her clothes had all been tossed nearby. So were his, actually, but hopefully she'd be long gone by the time he went to find them.

Cassie looked down on him, trying to memorize his beautiful, beautiful face and that dark mark on his throat. She shook her head then spied some crumpled up papers and a pen near them. Actual pen and paper. If she wasn't leaving…

She scrawled out a quick note and unwrinkled it as best she could. Replacing the pen on the nightstand, she placed the note within reach of where he'd find it when he woke.

And then she left, feeling a little like a dog with her tail tucked between her legs and wanting nothing more than to curl back up into his side.

She barely noticed the outside of the Hyperion when it came in view, fingers twiddling the band that she'd placed on the thin gold chain where she wore her mother's ring. Castor threw an arm around her shoulders, beaming brightly. She slipped the chain and its accessories under her shirt.

"Hey, Cassie," he chirped, noticing her wince and smiling even wider. "Fun night?"

"Funnest. Can we just get on board?"

"Uh-huh. Right after you explain that little hickie right there." He flicked the ticklish skin at the base of her ear.

Cassie went bright red and elbowed him hard in the side. "Shut up, Cas."

"Nope. Never. Did you go out looking to get laid or was it a happy coincidence? Although I just think it's funny that you're the late one for once."

"Did you go out looking to get laid last night?" she shot back.

"I'm not the one sporting a notch in my bed post on my body." He smirked, free hand going up to rub his knuckles against her head. "At least nowhere you can see right now."

Laughing, finally broken out of the panicked broken record in her head, Cassie bumped her hip companionably against her twin brother. "Gross."

"You love me."

"I have to. You're my kid brother."

He actually whined, pushing her away. "It's not my fault you're impatient. It was a minute, Cas. A _minute_."

"I'm still older. Thus, you're my kid brother." She grinned at him.

"Fine, O Ancient One Who Knows All, you might want to get yourself hydrated again before Dad sees you. He gets grumpy when we're stupid."

"I'm an adult," she grumbled.

He poked her in the neck again. "Clearly."

"Shut up."

"Besides, you're the one into all that sciency stuff. Do you know how cryogenics will react with a hangover?"

She grunted something, steadfastly ignoring the blush creeping its way up her neck.

"I'm sorry, what was that?"

"I don't want to wake up in 600 years with a hangover still."

"I love how I'm the only one who took your advice last night. Come on, we've still got some time before we absolutely have to be on board. Let's go fix you."

When she woke up in Andromeda, she bolted upright, panting heavily. No hangover to speak of, thank God. But just as quickly, she could feel her adrenaline spiking as people helped her out of her pod, keeping her steady.

This was it. She was really here. For a moment, her thoughts turned to the man she'd left behind in the Milky Way, her _husband_ , but she pushed those thoughts aside. He was long dead by now, hopefully having lived out a long, full life, gotten married (properly, not just in a drunken impulse), had some kids, and died at a ripe old age. And that meant that she was a widow. A widow at the age of 22. Or was that 622? Either way, she could move on here, make a home for her brother and father and not have to worry about the stigma of being Alec Ryder's daughter. She could just be Cassie here, like she'd tried to be before her dad had gotten into trouble for AI research and she and her brother suddenly were blacklisted.

Ah, she needed coffee, help get her thoughts calmed down. She walked slowly, feeling her body creak a little from so many centuries of inactivity. And wow, that was never a thought she ever thought she'd have.

As she looked up, her brain stuttered to a halt, followed by her body. There sitting on a bed was the man from the morning before she left. They left, apparently. He was here. He wasn't...holy shit. She was married and it still counted and she wasn't a widow and- she yanked herself out of her thoughts. Now, she really needed coffee.

He looked up and her mind short-circuited again. He waved but there was no moment of recognition, no stutter in his movements. There was no way he could have expected her to come with him which meant that he didn't remember. He didn't remember her, what had happened between them, and didn't _that_ make her genuinely sad for some unknown bizarro reason, but most importantly, he clearly didn't know they were married. That was fine. She could handle this. No one would ever know, no one _needed_ to know and she wasn't even sure if it was legally binding now or then.

Shit, she really needed coffee. She was not awake enough to handle this crap and she didn't even know her own last name. What. A. Nightmare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This might end up a multi-chap fic because of the hilarity of the situation. Also, I've been talking to a friend about it and he described the idea as a "rom com", which isn't anything close to what I've been writing in anything.  
> Let me know what you think, kudos if you like it well enough to do that, please, please, please tell me what you think. Always looking to improve and I like praise as much as the next writer.
> 
> Also, I realized this shortly after I named and nicknamed Cassie, but when she becomes Pathfinder, that'll make it Cas and SAM. I don't know if anyone else finds it as funny as I do.


	2. To Boldly Go Where No Man Has Gone Before

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Cassie has to survive Habitat 7 actively trying to kill her and Liam is not making things easier.

  1. To Boldly Go Where No Man Has Gone Before



His name was Liam Kosta. It was a pretty name, flowed off the tongue. His parents had named him well. And in another life, or another time as it were, she might have been flirting with him so hard that both their heads rang. Except she already had apparently because every time he talked,  _ she remembered _ and it was hard to concentrate on anything but the desire to yank him against her hardsuit and kiss him soundly. And that was the good news. 

The bad news was, well, really bad. The Hyperion had hit some sort of dark energy field thing that did massive damage to the ark, screwed with the gravity and they didn’t know how much damage had actually been done and wouldn’t until they found the Nexus and had them start to figure out the whole shebang. Cassie herself probably would have been happiest staying on the Hyperion and starting to study the thing that they’d hit. Actually, no probably about it. She didn’t particularly like shuttles after the incident with the batarian pirates a few years back. And here she was, packed in another one, with  _ Liam _ , no less, and feeling about ready to jump out of her skin or jump him or both and really none of this was particularly working out for her. 

Then, there was the worst news. Cas was okay, but she’d seen the worry on Harry and Dr. T’Perro’s face. And for Harry to worry enough that it showed, well, that worried her. Worse than dealing with her brother in a medically induced coma to keep him alive was the look on her dad’s face when he saw her without him. Now that she had a spare moment to think about it, which was completely preferable to trying not to hyperventilate, she wasn’t sure that he’d ever seen them apart. But he’d shifted into N7 mode and so she’d shoved her stress down to deal with the immediate problems.   
And now, here she was, flying down in a shuttle to a planet that didn’t look anything like what their scans from the Milky Way had shown with a man that she was insanely attracted to because she  _ knew _ what he was like in bed (and in various other locations and didn’t that thought make her wince) but he didn’t remember. That or he was a far better actor than anyone she’d ever met. That would also be okay, sort of, as long as he stayed away from her and they didn’t have to have much interactions. Hopefully, once Cas woke up, Dad would take him instead of Cassie, let her do her thing and stay away from him. The shuttle trembled and her gloved hands clenched reflexively.

“Uh, the mountains are floating.” Liam’s voice more than anything snapped her out of her head and it took her a heartbeat to register and understand what he said. Her head whipped around and her jaw actually dropped. Unreal. Tentatively, her hand reached out to touch the glass as they passed the floating rocks. 

“Unbelievable. How does that work? Are the laws of gravity somehow different here?”

She hadn’t meant to talk out loud, hadn’t realized she had, until Liam’s soft chuckle at her side sent shivers down her body.

“Look! Port side,” Fisher called from the cockpit, wonder in his own voice. They passed through some more clouds and then she was stepping closer to the window, hand pressing more firmly. 

“That  _ has _ to be advanced engineering,” Cora said over the comms. Cassie agreed with her. What she wouldn’t give to meet whoever had built them.

“Hyperion, this is the Pathfinder. We’ve got evidence of an alien civilization.” She smiled at the excitement hidden in her dad’s voice. Behind all the grump and gruff of the N7 was the man who’d volunteered to go with Grissom because it was new and hadn’t been explored, the man who’d attracted her mother because he was easily as smart as he was good looking. He hadn’t sounded like that in a while. Not since her mother…

“Has anyone seen us?” she asked, shoving that thought back to the so-not-dealing-with-this-right-now box where it belonged.

“What if they’re not friendly?” Liam asked, voice tight. 

“What, like the turians?” Cassie asked, watching as he tipped his helmet toward her.

“We stick to contact protocol: no use of deadly force unless hostile intent is clear.” Her father paused, and she braced herself, recognizing that pointed silence, no matter how brief. “And Cassiopeia?”

Whatever he’d meant to say was cut off as the shuttle ran into something that shook the whole vehicle. She couldn’t keep the panicked squeak from escaping, whole body bracing, eyes squeezing shut.  _ Shitshitshitshitshitshitshit _ . 

“Shit!” Fisher echoed her internal thoughts. Hopefully they were internal. She’d never hear the end from it from her dad if they weren’t. “Ionization just spiked.”

She felt a pressure through her suit on her right hand. Cassie opened an eye to see Liam had shifted closer and wrapped his fingers around hers, briefly tightening his grip before letting go to grab hold of the shuttle himself. She knew, right then and there and damn the mission, that if she hadn’t already slept with him, she would have made it her mission to do so as soon as possible. Well, as soon as they survived this and were out of the danger zone and mostly safe. And fortunately she wouldn’t have to worry about it. She knew. She could ignore. She could hope her dad didn’t put the two of them to work together on the team. She closed her open eye, shifted her stance to one more conducive to not flopping all over the place, and clamped down on the shriek that was building in the back of her throat.

Cassie could hear shouts over the comms but was far more concerned with the sound of blood rushing through her ears and the building rapid beat of her heart. She didn’t know how long it lasted, flashes of lightning making it through her eyelids.

The sound out of her worst nightmares came and her eyes snapped open just in time to see the door of the shuttle get ripped off by whatever the hell they were flying through, and the mindless babble in her head transitioned into a wordless scream. Liam got pulled out, barely grabbing the mangled edges of the shuttle. “Liam!” She went to lunge for him, but the panic surging through her kept her white-knuckled grip on the shuttle. “Hang on!” She reached for him as he tried to claw his way back inside.

“Ryder!”  _ No, that’s not right, that’s my brother or my dad. I’m not Ryder, I’m just Cassie. Just Cassie. Cassie. _ Liam reached for her.

Time seemed to slow and for a moment it seemed as though she’d be able to reach him and life would be good and she could figure out whatever the hell she was feeling shortly. Alas, true to Cassiopeia Ryder’s terrible luck, an explosion lurched the shuttle, forcing Liam to lose his grip.

She had enough time to have her heart leap to her throat, watching him fly away before she lost her grip and went sailing through the open hole.

_ It’s not the landing that kills people. They usually have heart attacks on the way down from falling _ . She was barely aware that she was screaming out loud, never mind that it was almost certainly able to be heard over the comms and her father would be able to hear her. She flipped around, trying to find down when she lost her air, forced to go silent as she inhaled, noisily and roughly but she was still alive. She could do this.

“Acceleration increasing.” Cassie yanked her head up before remembering about SAM. The AI sounded  _ maybe _ barely concerned and did nothing to stem the shrieking that had started back up in her head.

“No kidding!” Her voice squeaked unpleasantly on the last syllable of the word.

“Your jump-jet is malfunctioning,” SAM informed her pleasantly.

She swore fiercely enough to make a marine blush, barely avoiding getting impaled or crushed by the floating mountain rock things she was plummeting past. “Get it working!” She could literally feel herself shutting down, leaving her to wonder if it was possible to die of an overdose of adrenaline. She’d never wondered that before, and had never needed to know. Now, maybe, that might have been a bad idea.

“Approaching terminal velocity.”

“SAM!” She was going to die. They’d barely made it to Andromeda and she was going to die and this so wasn’t fair and-

Her jump-jet activated at what felt like the last possible second, sending her upwards with enough force to make her neck ache even with her hardsuit supporting her and her internal organs to hit the underside of her ribcage.

She started falling again, the fall broken by another mountain thing which she slammed into the face of and felt the impact in every bone in her body. With enough squeaks and pained yelps to make her self-conscious in the event that someone might be listening were she not possibly about to die, she began rolling down it, hitting branches and smaller rocks.

_ Finally _ , she hit the bottom, faintly registering a sharp crack but not paying it anymore mind than  _ holy shit, I’m alive and damn I am telling this story to my currently nonexistent children _ . She wasn’t breathing anyhow.

In fact, she didn’t inhale until she slowed her rolling to a halt and immediately regretted that choice. The air burned in her lungs like acid and she coughed, choking in another inhale. She sat up long enough to type into her omnitool and held her wrist up to her face, repairing the crack in her helmet glass. Instantly able to breathe more easily, she gulped in lungfuls of air, most specifically and thankfully, air that wasn’t trying to kill her for breathing it in. Tears stung her eyes but she was alive. The planet was clearly trying to kill her but she was alive. Alive. Beautiful word, that.

She stayed on her back until her breathing calmed and her heart rate slowed just enough that it didn’t feel like it was going to hop out of her chest and go run a marathon. Thunder rumbled overhead but it was far enough away that she wasn’t overly concerned. Still, she hummed thoughtfully as she rolled over then got to her feet. Her first proper look at Habitat 7 was met with rocks, funky ass plant things that looked like something out of an old fantasy vid, and a lightning storm in the upper atmosphere. And despite herself, she took a sharp breathe. Tears entered her eyes and she quickly blinked them away. It was beautiful and it was new and this was what she’d been looking for her whole life, to see something no one else had seen. “To boldly go where no man has gone before,” she murmured, a smile breaking out on her face. Feeling more settled, she tapped her omnitool. “This is Ryder. Come in.” Her omnitool flickered and her smile faded. “Hyperion? SAM? Anyone there?”

She dropped her arm, omnitool interface vanishing from view when she heard the unmistakable sound of running. She turned to see Liam come over a rock and the relief that slammed into her overrode the brief panic that she’d already started to recognize him even when she couldn’t see his face. “Save your breath,” he panted, trotting up to her and dropping to brace his hands on his knees when he was at her side. “SAM’s offline. Comm link’s trashed. I’m surprised we aren’t too.”

“You and me both.” She shook her head, looking back out into the distance. “Did the others make it?”

Liam straightened up, his own breathing mostly under control though she could still hear his panting and if  _ that _ didn’t bring back memories-  _ No. Not the time. Survive first. Remember later _ . “I don’t know. It was all a blur. Shuttle split in two…” he paused and she thought back to the panic of seeing him go flying out of the shuttle. “This is like some nightmare.”

She exhaled loudly into a snort, surprising him if the twitch he made was any indication. “Yeah. No way this is home.” She didn’t envy her dad the job of doing the actual home finding. But the ‘what the hell’ factor, that was right up her alley. 

They stood there in silence long enough for breathing to completely even out for the both of them. “Looks like we gotta find some high ground. See if anyone else is alive.” As he moved past her, he hit her arm and she didn’t want to say it was affectionately but maybe he was just that way.  _ Focus, Cassie, now is not the time to think about it _ . “Come on.”

“Lightning storm, high ground. No way this could end badly.” She turned and activated her scanner to take a look at those plants. 

“Hey, Ryder, how’s your survival training?” Liam asked, circling back around her to peer over her shoulder at her omnitool.

She tapped into it, frowning. “Can’t complain,” she replied absently. “I’ve seen my share of troubles. Nothing crazy, but…” What the hell?

“Well, crazy just found us. Those rocks out there are  _ floating _ .”

“Terra incognita.” She made a sharp noise of irritation.

“Some of those plants look like tentacles.” He laughed lightly, the sound more disbelieving than anything. She wanted him to go away because this didn’t make sense. New galaxy, new puzzles. “Is the water here even water?”

“Well, without SAM, it’s hard to say exactly what it is. It’s some sort of plant, maybe dead, maybe not.” The scanner told her nothing about the tentacle plants except they don’t work well photosynthetically, could possibly be carnivorous, and were most likely mutated. She hesitated a moment longer, but there was nothing she could do without SAM or running tests and now wasn’t the time for it. She turned to see Liam standing with his back to her, staring off the edge of the cliff. Her eyes dipped lower of their own volition and Lord strike her from this planet but he had the absolute perfect ass she had ever seen in her life. She closed her eyes, wishing she could pinch her the bridge of her nose, gloves fingers pressing against her helmet at her bridge instead.

“Those structures we saw on the way in - who could survive in a place like this?”

“Hmmm?” Her eyes snapped open and she averted her gaze, lowering her hand as she did. She flushed a little when he looked at her. “Oh, you know, not sure we want to know right now.” She started walking, sensing rather than seeing Liam fall into step behind her. She thought about questioning it, decided against it even though  _ I am not the leader here what are you doing please stop acting like I’m the leader and I know what I’m doing _ , and kept going.

“Storms here don’t seem very natural,” he commented.

Her scanner blipped and she glanced down. It had caught a piece of debris and identified it. Quantum Entanglement Communicator. Offline but… She tried to connect to it with her omnitool and it threw sparks out at her. So much for hoping it would work for once. Cas would be able to fix it in a heartbeat and machines didn’t like her. At all. In fact, if they were capable of emotions, she’d hazard a guess that they hated her.

“No fixing this. Must have broken on impact.”

“Explains why we lost our SAM connection.”

She shook her head and started walking again. “Oh, and safety tip: don’t breathe the air. Found that out the hard way.”

She could definitely hear a smile in his voice. “Got it.”

Damn it. Why did he have to be this way? Hoping her lungs were feeling better and definitely hoping that she’d be able to put some distance between them, she eased into a jog. To her right, sitting just on the edge of the cliff, was a flaming pile of something from the shuttle. Wreckage, debris, whatever. It was on fire and that meant some sort of flammable something in the atmosphere.

“You think that energy cloud we saw could cause all this?”

She hummed, thinking. “SAM said it was dark energy but that’s in space.”

“Yeah. Hell of a cloud.”

“A cloud that makes boulders float.”

There was silence for a little bit, not long, but enough that Cassie started to get uncomfortable at how comfortable it was. She didn’t  _ like _ that they got along. She didn’t  _ like  _ that she actually liked him. And she really didn’t  _ like  _ that they were both on the Pathfinding team. Her dad would kill her, literally kill her, if she caused a rift in his team because she was mooning after a teammate like a lovesick puppy.

Actually, if he ever found out how unbelievably stupid she’d been on her last night in the Milky Way, he would probably kill her on principle. That or she’d get the disapproving Dad glare. Honestly, she didn’t know which was worse.

Even in her hardsuit, her hair started to stand on end and she blinked back into awareness to see a very, oddly localized lightning storm in front of them. She slowed to a halt, head tipping to the side. “Uh, what the hell is this?” Liam asked behind her.

She found her fingers straying to her omnitool before she yanked her hand away. If she survived this,  _ then _ she could come back and study to her heart’s content. If Liam was going to treat her like the leader for God only knows what reason, then she had to keep him alive. As soon as Cas woke up, her dad would have another recon specialist but she doubted that Liam’s job had been doubled.

“Come on - we’ve got to get through this.” She braced herself briefly then took off at a dead sprint. Her hair buzzed out and she felt her biotics licking across her skin in response to all the electricity. 

“This is crazy!”

She couldn’t stop the giggle, wouldn’t have been able to at all. “Welcome to Habitat 7!” A particularly close bolt had her biotics throwing a nearby rock that had started floating. Behind her came Liam’s cry of pain. “Come on, keep moving.” There. A cave. Caves were good. Caves were sheltered from freak lightning storms.

As soon as her biotics eased off, she slowed back down to a halt, checking her shields, making sure everything that had been working was still working. “What the hell’s going on with this place?” Liam asked, a pained tightness in his voice.

“The planet is trying to kill us.” Now she was the one panting with an ache in her lungs. Damn. Whatever was in the air that had hurt so freaking much when her helmet was cracked had definitely done some damage. She shouldn’t be this winded. Liam paused in his own readings, head turning to look at her. Panic flailed through her because for everyone’s sake it would be far, far better if he never remembered what had happened between them. No panting. Ever. Yeah, like that would work. “On the other hand, nothing like near death experiences after a 600 year nap. Remind me not to do it again. Not really a fan.” Without bothering to take a look at her surroundings because anything would be preferable to staying here, with him, talking, _and God, she needed to a moment to just breathe_ , she set back off at a trot for the opening on the other side of the cave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, as promised, here is another installment of what I like to call "Cassie Ryder's panicking in the face of stress". This one is a bit...direct dialogue heavy, sorry for that. I've already started to work with the next chapter and that one won't be. 
> 
> Hopefully I didn't disappoint. I've never felt expectations before.
> 
> Anyway, let me know what you guys think, any reactions, anything. I'd like to think I'm not shouting into the void.


	3. Down the Rabbit Hole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Cassie thinks she's dying, finds out she isn't, and gets some really bad news.  
> Life sucks, basically.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not a super happy chapter. And that might be a bit of an understatement.

3\. Down the Rabbit Hole

Dying wasn't what she thought it was. For the second time that day she gasped in the toxic air of Habitat 7 and this time there was absolutely no hope. Her helmet hadn't just cracked, it had _shattered_ and she was left with tiny nicks on her face from the shards of glass.

She rolled onto her back, tears leaking out of her eyes. Cassie croaked words as her father approached through the dirt and debris. He barked something out, followed by the crackle of comms in her ears which were ringing and she could hear her pulse, quick and desperate in them but none of the words spoken. _Oh, God, she was going to die_.

She dragged in another desperate inhale, the sound grating even to her. Her eyes squeezed shut. She didn't want to see the look on his face as he lost the second child that day and barely noticed when her dad knelt down beside her. She did notice when he undid the clamps that held her damn, useless helmet to her suit, eyes fluttering open and vision swimming and darkening. She watched him reach up and pull his own helmet off. She thrashed, trying to warn him, to tell him no, that the Initiative needed him and she was just a recon specialist and then he was putting his own helmet on her suit, sealing it on.

Cassie pulled in a desperate breath, body speeding up her air intake when that lungful didn't freshly burn in an unconscious force to stay alive. "No!" She wasn't sure if the word actually was vocalized. She wasn't sure if this was just a death hallucination because her dad would never ever do anything so stupidly sentimental just because she was his kid.

She watched him lift his omnitool to his face, _his arm was shaking, badly_ , cough out words, something about a transfer which made no sense. She was on his Pathfinding team, there was nowhere else to transfer to, and he needed to put his stupid helmet back on his stupid head.

She watched him drop his hand, omnitool deactivating, only to pull his glove off and press his hand against the glass of his helmet, against where her cheek would be. Her vision fuzzed then went black.

Cassie Ryder had heard of people seeing the greatest hits of their lives when they died. She supposed the disjointed images and fleeting feelings could count as that but she was left feeling a little underwhelmed. Whatever angel was overseeing the whole mess could have added more Pongo. She missed that dog.

She also saw things she didn't exactly remember, a whole lot more Liam looking stressed and worried than she thought she'd seen. Maybe this was her brain's way of tricking her into thinking they'd had more time than they did. At least this way, things had worked out the way they were supposed to and neither of them were trapped in a marriage that they didn't actually want.

Her eyes blinked open to a high, white ceiling. _'Welcome back, Cassiopeia.'_ SAM was quieter than she'd heard him before. Her lips twitched up into a partial smile. He said her name like her dad did, all emphasis on the second syllable, speeding through the first syllable, and tumbling along the rest of her name. It was weird and no one else pronounced her name like that.

But more to the point, eyebrows scrunching together, she didn't recognize where she was. Slowly, cautiously, because this was a little more creative a death hallucination than she'd have thought herself capable, Cassie sat up, teeth bared into a grimace at the fire pain at her side. One hand instinctively pressed against the spot of pain. Oh, well. Time to figure out why her brain thought this would be a good thing to show her. "What happened?" she asked aloud, voice rough. Odds seemed pretty good that SAM would be her guide through this...thing.

' _You were clinically dead for twenty-two seconds,'_ SAM informed her, still sounding quiet.

One heartbeat, then two, then a third passed.

That seemed oddly specific though the number was how old she was. Lack of creativity indeed. Though, any longer and she wasn't sure she'd believe it. In for a penny, in for a pound, time to go down the rabbit hole and figure out what her subconscious wanted her to deal with. "Did the rest of the team make it?"

"Hey."

Cassie squeaked, nearly jerking off whatever she was on. The sound cracked and she would have been mortified if she wasn't almost positive this wasn't real because to the side where she hadn't noticed until she was in an upright position despite how much it hurt, Liam was sitting up from where he'd been lying on the floor.

"You're still with us." It looked like Liam tried to smile but he looked too tired for the expression to be at all convincing. He hopped up to his feet and she shuffled down to the edge of what she'd decided was an uncomfortable bed so that she could dangle her feet off it. She expected him to start talking about letting go or some other bullshit nonsense but instead he lifted his omnitool and spoke into it. "Guys, get to SAM node! Ryder's awake!" Yeah, nope. No, that was a little too excited. Why was her brain being weird? He dropped his wrist, turning his attention back to her appearing for all the world to be curious. "Who were you talking to?"

"SAM," she replied, shrugging.

"I didn't hear him."

This was her subconscious and she'd have expected Cas to show up, maybe Annabethe Shepard because Lord only knew how much she idolized the woman, and her mom. Instead, she got Dr. T'Perro and Cora, for some reason.

And then the asari was shining a light in her eyes, giving her orders like this was an actual medical deal thing. A smile pulled at her lips. This was back to making sense. No creativity so her subconscious had given her the most likely outcome. She tried to ignore the pang of hurt that even in her own mind, her dad wouldn't come to make sure she was okay.

Then she caught sight of his helmet, the N7 emblazoned across the side, just as proud of the fact as he was, sitting abandoned, and something felt a little off about seeing it there. "Where's my dad?" she asked before she could stop herself.

Dr. T'Perro took a step back, going a slightly lighter shade of blue, head ducking just enough to make the hairs on the back of Cassie's neck to stand on end. Cora closed her eyes. Liam averted his gaze for a heartbeat before it was back on her, darker than it was before. Cora looked over at Dr. T'Perro, who opened her mouth, then closed it.

Something was wrong. She would have expected to hear some sort of bullshit excuse, just like she and Cas had heard for half of their lives. But this, this wasn't...

"It was your life or his," Cora finally spoke, looking pained to be saying these words out loud. "And he chose you. I'm sorry, Cassiopeia. I know this must be a blow."

Cassie started to smile, then shook her head. "He's not dead."

"Cas-" Dr. T'Perro started to say. Cassie interrupted her with an eruption of tears.

"He's not dead and he didn't die to save me! My dad isn't sentimental enough to do that. He's-" her voice choked up, effectively silencing her. She dropped her head into her hands, elbows pressing, digging into her thighs, and silent sobs wracked her body.

This was real. This was real and she wasn't just imagining or hallucinating any of this because there was no way her brain could even come up with a scenario this effed up. _Her dad was dead because of her_.

Then, because _of course_ her brain had to try to be helpful, she remembered that Cas was in a coma and the start of a keen escaped her throat before she clamped down on it, body going rigid from the strain of keeping quiet.

Cassie tried to focus on her breathing; Cora would need her to not fall apart completely. Slowly, excruciatingly slowly, her body relaxed and the tears slowed to a stop. She let her hands drop but kept her head bowed, eyes closed. One wet hand came up to wipe her equally wet cheeks before she lifted her head.

All three of them were still there, with varying expressions of discomfort on their faces. Emotions quiet for the moment, she realized that there was still something left to be said. Closing her eyes briefly, she gave the universal hand signal for "Alright, let me have it."

"Your father once said that when his time came, he wanted to go out among stars no one had seen before," Cora said softly. Liam came up behind her and put his hand on the new Pathfinder's shoulder. It occurred to her then that it was possible Cora knew her father better than she did. Not that it surprised her at all to hear he'd said that. Her dad had always been too much of an explorer to be content with dying in a bed somewhere. _Not like Mom..._

"What are we doing in SAM node?" She finally recognized where they were and she really, wanted to move off the subject of _Alec Ryder, N7, Pathfinder, and absent father_. She tried not to notice that Liam stepped away from Cora after that brief contact.

"SAM is now part of you, in a way we don't entirely understand," Dr. T'Perro answered, looking a little more comfortable now that her hysterical outburst was over, though she still looked like there was anywhere she'd rather be. "It played havoc with your brain."

Cassie's eyes narrowed. "SAM?"

"Your father authorized the transfer of Pathfinder authority to you." Somehow, the AI had known what question she was going to ask, voice echoey and no longer as quiet as it had been when she'd woken up. Though this time, it also sounded further away.

She started to smile again and got the opportunity to literally watch Liam, Cora, and Dr. T'Perro brace themselves for another blast of emotions. "I'm sorry. Could you repeat that?" SAM did, though slightly more slowly than before. If she'd been a betting woman, she'd have guessed that it was being cautious. "That's what I thought you said. Umm, shouldn't that be Cora?"

"In theory. In reality..." the not new Pathfinder trailed off, looking increasingly uncomfortable. She straightened, not much, just a little. "You're the new Pathfinder, Cassiopeia."

"Just Cassie. Please. The full thing is too long to be used every time someone wants to say my name." A hiccupy sort of laugh escaped her and she shut that down _hard_. If she started laughing, she'd start crying and she wasn't sure she'd be able to stop herself this time. And if what Cora and SAM said was true, they couldn't afford to have an uncontrollably hysterical Pathfinder on their hands. Not now, not ever. Even though _HOLY HELL SHE WAS NOT CUT OUT FOR THIS_. "You can't be serious."

"What's the matter? I think you're up for it." Liam crossed his arms in front of his chest, with effort, it looked like. He was the only one still in his hardsuit. Still, it served to emphasize the breadth of his shoulders and-woah, Nelly. So not going down that path. Crashing onto Habitat 7 and nearly dying the first time was a better time than this. And what the hell did he mean, he thought she was up for this? She hadn't been a "leader" for two hours and she'd gotten Fisher killed. Then the actual Pathfinder had died because of her! Only a blind varren could possibly think that she'd be up for this.

But when she looked at Cora, and saw the pain in the lines around her eyes, her panic eased a little. They'd both lost Alec Ryder. It wasn't the same but, maybe... "Cora?"

"I'm not going to pretend I know what Alec was thinking," the blonde told her. "But he made his choice." _And we need to deal with it_ seemed to be left unsaid. Still, she didn't seem to be hostile, which Cassie was unendingly grateful for.

"It's all academic anyway. SAM's linked to your mind on a deeper level now," Dr. T'Perro said again. They were all out of their depth now, she realized. "Trying to untangle it could kill you." Gee, what a cheerful thought. She had no intentions of having to need as many lives as a cat and she'd nearly died twice in the last day alone so no reason to want to boot SAM out yet.

"I know this is hard," _not as hard as having to be my Dad because there is no way anyone will take me seriously_ , "but we need to start thinking about the next step. A lot of people are counting on us." Cora had her head lowered just long enough for Cassie to notice before she lifted it.

Cassie frowned. "Is the ark still drifting?"

"That's the thing - whatever your dad did with that tower, it saved the day," Liam said. _Of course, it did. Dad never failed_. _Cas and I were the ones who screwed up._ "Some sort of atmosphere scrubber."

Curiosity sparked and then she realized that her job wasn't to be a scientist anymore. On top of everything else, that brought tears to her eyes that she quickly blinked away.

"The energy cloud thinned out. We're on our way to the rally point now. Should be at the Nexus soon," Cora added.

"She needs to rest first." Both upright teammates turned to Dr. T'Perro.

Cora walked over to her, a gentle sway to her steps that Cassie would swear mimicked asari. "She's got two hours." Cassie had just enough time to be affronted that they were talking about her like she wasn't there before Cora was twisting around to look at her. Her lips pulled up on the one side, but the smile was painful. "We'll need our Pathfinder for this."

She walked away, Dr. T'Perro on her heels. When Liam went to follow, Cassie reached out a hand before she could second guess herself. "Liam?" He immediately stopped, looking at her expectantly. Forcing herself not to think, to just go by her instincts, she stood. It hurt. It hurt a lot. But she was upright. "I know this is probably going against every protocol in the book, maybe every book. But would you...I mean, could I...Damn it. WouldyoupleasegivemeahugbeforeIhavetobePathfinder?" The actual request bubbled out of her, fast enough that she wasn't entirely sure she was speaking English.

For a second, he just stood there, head tipped to the side. It was long enough that she started to panic that she hadn't actually been speaking English and it had just been some nonsensical language. Then his face softened with a warm smile that made her want to cry, he opened his arms, and she sort of fell against his chest, his arms wrapping around her. His hardsuit was not comfortable and she could feel the edges of his arm guards pressing into her back. It almost hurt but this close she could smell him and that brought her back to the night before everything went to shit. When she was still a relatively normal person, biotics notwithstanding, and the worst she had to deal with was making sure she and her brother didn't get into too much trouble because she was awkward and Cas was a little shit.

"Thank you." The whisper was a little muffled and she ducked her head a little farther into him, knowing that she was crossing so many lines but Cas wasn't there for a hug and Liam was the only person she knew well enough to ask.

"Hey, Ryder, whatever you need. I've got your back."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, there's another chapter. I felt like this needed to end on a bit of a happy note.  
> Let me know what y'all think.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, guys!


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